Facing the Hard Realities of Self (Pt. 1)


Knowing oneself is a pivotal factor to the development and understanding of love. At times love is given, or in some cases tried to be given, without a thorough indication of self-love. Relationships are developed without taking the time to get to know self, creating undisclosed barriers that may ultimately result in the failure of those relationships. How can one truly love another being if he/she has yet to learn to love themselves? The issue of the matter is much deeper than that. The problem resides in the fact that self-love is arduous without undoubtedly knowing self; and knowing self means learning to face some hard and sad realities.

Digging into one’s past may be one of the most difficult things that one can do. This is because sad truths are revealed. Skeletons that were buried 6-ft under in a closet that was sealed and locked shut with a key hidden so well that it can’t be found. In that same closet lies pain, shame, embarrassment, and a person that one tried to escape. Well, someone found the key. Now you have to face everything that the key will reveal. It takes strength to open the closet door, but it takes a profound courage to dig out the hidden truths of the past.

What is it that will be revealed? Were you unfaithful to the love of your life? Did you have a child and you really don’t know who the father is? Did you have a secret abortion? Were you once promiscuous? Abusive? Raped? Did you lie about something that ruined another person’s life? Did you contract an std, maybe one incurable? Did you sleep with someone you should’t have? What is it that you buried? What is it about your past that is secretly eating at you? Whatever it is, it’s time to FACE IT!!

Many may ask, “what good will that do?” The good that comes from facing your past is the step to loving who you are. “But my past isn’t who I am today.” No, it isn’t. But it does play a role in who you are. The past has shaped you into something that you either want to be or do not want to be. The buried truth indicates a source of being that you do not want to be, which is why you escaped it and never brought it up again. What you did may not be something that you are proud of, but it still happened. And denying your past may result in a denial of a successful future.

If you get asked about it by someone you love the first thing that comes to your mind is to deny it because you do not want that part of you or a certain perspective of you brought to light. You’ve lied to yourself about it so revealing it means being truthful to yourself. It means facing reality; even if you do not want to. We all have a past, and lying about it will only do more harm than good to ourselves and the people we love.

What will happen if you face the hard realities of self?

Will it destroy you or will you overcome it?

My guess is that you will overcome it. Open up to yourself about the pains and shames of your past as it will be a relief off of your shoulders because you don’t have to hide anymore. You may have hated yourself for what you did or what happened to you, now you can learn to get past it and find love within yourself. You will feel a love for yourself like never before and you will begin to feel better about who you are today. An undeniable feeling of self-love. That love will be reflected in every aspect of you; from a deeper confidence, to the way you present yourself, to the people you love and fall in love with, and to self-actualization.

Face it, embrace it, overcome it.

“Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence, and face your future without fear.”¬†– Unknown




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